Personal Empowerment, Developing human potential, Fostering interpersonal relationships

Personal Empowerment

Developing human potential and fostering interpersonal relationships

Why Do Marriages Fail (Part 4)

In our previous video we outlined some rules for effective communication to take place between partners. Now we shall outline some more rules which are vital to maintaining marital harmony.:

Identify principles: Often partners let their emotions fuel long winded narratives that fail to identify the underlying principles that are causing conflict. In order to retain your spouse’s attention keep things short and to the point. Human attention span is limited which is excerbated by the tendency to issue defensive responses if one partners takes too long in what is already an emotional charged atmosphere.

Validate feelings: There is a tendency to invalidate people’s feelings using elaborate proofs. However, such proofs are often marshalled to support a particular perspective which do not take into account the feelings of the other partner.

Without acknowledging feelings any proof no matter how logical simply will have no effect. In order to start convincing someone it is vital to identify with them using their feelings as a guide to undertand them. Such identification creates an emotional bond which instead of undermining one’s position will instead make the other partner more likely to listen to it.

Avoid mind reading: Words by their very nature and ambiguous and there is inevitably a tendency to ascribe meanings which simply do not exist to what the other person said. This goes beyong mere misunderstanding. Often one spouse assumes that the other will understand but uses indirect, oblique expressions which if anything confuses the other party. Though couples, by being in proximity to each other, may develop certain idioms to refer to sensitive situations, such idioms will never cover the full spectrum of interaction. It is therefore advisable to be specific rather than oblique even though it is more formal.

Be explicit about your requirements: Every day of interaction is for all intents and purposes a clean sheet. What was valid one day is not necessarily applicable the next day. Therefore even if a couple have developed their own language it is vital to enunciate one’s needs directly and explicitly to avoid any misunderstanding when circumstances have changed which often it does.

Set time limits: In order to retain the attention of one’s spouse it is vital to be concise and to the point. The less time one speaks then the more likely one will be heard by fostering a consistent level of concentration span by the other party. People often fall prey to being long winded due to the emotional gratification of being given attention. However, such attention is often an illusion due to the diminishing level of concentration a person gives because of fatigue. Both parties should try to set time limits which creates a framework that mentally prepares one to listen without fear of being flooded with an endless stream of words.

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